Random mood

Well, when I am suffocated under all this pressure of studies and activities held and to be held, it's a saddening fact that I can barely find someone to pour all my dissatisfaction and helplessness, 'coz let's be frank, no one likes to hear your problems and bear with you negativity, even if they are your best friends, your significant other. The only place I can go is here, the private place I kept from most of my social circles.

When people you trusted, again, show their irresponsibility because they think the context is not important, they put no effort in completing tasks they themselves chose to take over, copying everywhere with no credit to the source. When they are encountered and asked to do it again, to refine it, they make only a little, insignificant change and tell you that they think other parts are okay, need no amendment. But why? Just for the sake of passing because it is a non-grading subject? Then why enter college? Why proceed until University? Go get some better things to do, this is no playground for you.

Okay, enough of this. I am making this place a trash can for cries and resentment. I have friends that sincerely care for me, but as well, I don't want to trouble them with my own unhappiness no more. I worry too much sometimes, to an extreme extent, LOL.

I came across this article from Reader's Digest (1980's, found it at home) about some advice to those who worry a lot. It says to, first, be aware of yourself being worried, so that when you do so, you can recognize it and take necessary means (maybe not as easy as it sounds). The next thing to do is to interrupt your "worrying" process and focus on something relaxing or a positive object, tell yourself that you'll have time to worry later but not now. And then, spend 30 minutes each day to do your "worrying".

To some extent, I am practising this, but it is quite hard to distract yourself when you think those things that you worry about need to continue be worried about and the disruption just seems ineffective at all. My mind is too stubborn I guess.

This place is great for me. A perfect place to set my mind at peace, when I find the outside world a bit too disappointing. If I show you more of what I am, would you retract? Would you appreciate me for who I am? I am plain, boring and insipid while you are young and bold. You'd want fresh, stimulating excitement and me? I just want a branch to call at, for now. But hey, you are so different that I too, long for calling at somewhere close to you, haha.

I'm still waiting, you know?