26 October 2014

Random mood


Well, when I am suffocated under all this pressure of studies and activities held and to be held, it's a saddening fact that I can barely find someone to pour all my dissatisfaction and helplessness, 'coz let's be frank, no one likes to hear your problems and bear with you negativity, even if they are your best friends, your significant other. The only place I can go is here, the private place I kept from most of my social circles.

When people you trusted, again, show their irresponsibility because they think the context is not important, they put no effort in completing tasks they themselves chose to take over, copying everywhere with no credit to the source. When they are encountered and asked to do it again, to refine it, they make only a little, insignificant change and tell you that they think other parts are okay, need no amendment. But why? Just for the sake of passing because it is a non-grading subject? Then why enter college? Why proceed until University? Go get some better things to do, this is no playground for you.

Okay, enough of this. I am making this place a trash can for cries and resentment. I have friends that sincerely care for me, but as well, I don't want to trouble them with my own unhappiness no more. I worry too much sometimes, to an extreme extent, LOL.

I came across this article from Reader's Digest (1980's, found it at home) about some advice to those who worry a lot. It says to, first, be aware of yourself being worried, so that when you do so, you can recognize it and take necessary means (maybe not as easy as it sounds). The next thing to do is to interrupt your "worrying" process and focus on something relaxing or a positive object, tell yourself that you'll have time to worry later but not now. And then, spend 30 minutes each day to do your "worrying".

To some extent, I am practising this, but it is quite hard to distract yourself when you think those things that you worry about need to continue be worried about and the disruption just seems ineffective at all. My mind is too stubborn I guess.

This place is great for me. A perfect place to set my mind at peace, when I find the outside world a bit too disappointing. If I show you more of what I am, would you retract? Would you appreciate me for who I am? I am plain, boring and insipid while you are young and bold. You'd want fresh, stimulating excitement and me? I just want a branch to call at, for now. But hey, you are so different that I too, long for calling at somewhere close to you, haha.

I'm still waiting, you know?



25 October 2014

青春的播放列表 - 第四首歌

My Playlist at 20 - Song No. 4

We Are Infinite -- The Tunnels     




这首就厉害了。这是一个乐团的团员在看过了《The Perks of Being a Wallflower》原著之后写下的歌,记录那本美丽的书。

我在搜寻这部电影和原著的所有歌曲、插曲和书本里提及的歌曲之时,偶然发现这首歌。熟悉电影和原著的人一定会发现这首歌并不存在于电影或者原著里,而且歌名的明显程度会告诉你,像这样的电影并不会如此高调的采用电影和书本里最经典的台词来为插曲命名。

所以,这不是一首电影里的插曲,也不是书本里主角听过的歌,而是一位玩乐团的读者在看过这部美丽的原著后,情感抒发的创作。重要的是,这首歌的情感表达完全符合故事情节,强吧?

 “We are infinite.”是主角在电影里最经典的说辞。最初听到的时候,我清楚知道这并不是电影里的插曲,因为根本没在电影里听到,或许只是一首碰巧与电影对上味的歌,歌名又正好和电影的台词一样,就连乐团的名字都那么巧,The Tunnels,而电影里最经典的一幕正是以隧道为场景的。后来搜寻之下才知道,原来是特别为原著创作的歌曲。没有特别去搜寻或者留意的话,会觉得这可能是电影里的某一首插曲, 因为歌曲风格和电影里主角在隧道里拥抱的那首歌非常相近,这是创作者的用心和投入,让我非常敬佩。歌词也表达了由故事带动的情绪,很有味道。

或许是我看戏看太多的关系,我经常会想像自己和伴侣(一个作伴的人,不一定是情人)开着车,在一条宽敞的大道上奔驰,开着车窗,(当然开篷车会更爽,不过我目前没这能力),然后吹着风,听着播放器里的歌,不说话,自在而写意,自由而快乐。这首歌,很适合派上这样的场景,是一首能在开车自由奔驰的画面里高度配合的歌。

 如果有一天,我们开上了宽敞笔直的大道,我会毫不犹豫地拥抱着这首歌,飞翔。嗯,这便是我心中的浪漫。


We are infinite - The Tunnels

It's cold in no time,
The streets lights fascinate my eyes,
valley of lost souls searching,
a city lost in time
We walked to Earth's edge,
the air's not fit to breathe again,
and so we hold our breathes
and pray this won't end,
it will never end.

We sat on the ride home,
singing our favorite song,
reading the line on the side of the roads,
it tells me, "You're not alone."
No longer hysteric or frantic,
when I said I loved you, I meant it,
So tell me are you in?
Because tonight we are infinite

The year is over,
And still the time goes by so slow,
we hold on to every moment
our lives are stitched and sewn,
I see you from around the corner,
all of the pain and all your strain,
you hide it so well behind walls of the strange,
take it away.

We sat on the ride home,
singing our favorite songs,
reading the line on the side of the road,
it tells me, "You're not alone."
No longer hysteric or frantic,
when I said I loved you, I meant it,
So tell me are you in?
Because tonight we are infinite

18 October 2014

青春的播放列表 - 第三首歌

My Playlist at 20 - Song number 3

Come on Eileen -- Dexys MIdnight Runners     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jC1vtG3oyqg


我会说,这是我最喜欢的舞曲。歌词带点暗示的意味,可这么直接爽快的歌曲并不似在暗示,而且,'take off everything' 已经很直接。《The Perks of Being a Wallflower》 是现阶段对我影响最深的电影,这是 Charlie 真正走入 Sam 与 Patrick的生活 的关键舞曲,而当我开始搜寻这部电影的所有插曲和歌曲的时候,才开始真正的爱上她,太美丽了,前奏已经熟悉不过,而欢快的节奏、清新的旋律,渲染的是多么快乐的气氛。我特别喜欢那一句“ too ra loo ra too ra loo ra-aye”,很神奇的非常上口。我虽然不会跳舞,但听见这首歌,就会想起 Sam 踢着腿,毫无顾忌的展开她的 Living Room Routine, 让人也想随之跳起来。

忙碌的学期又开始了。打起精神,社团的活动越来越多,所有人都忙得喘不过气来了,不过,我竟觉得这些活动让我变得更勇敢了,尤其当讲师因为社团的花费问题带着我们到学生事务部门去和那里的负责人理论、当某个活动会议里,有学生大胆的挑战和反驳,我突然觉得,我们似乎从来就没有遵从的义务,只是我们习惯了、我们害怕挑战的结果。我好像不害怕了,当你觉得最糟糕的情况就是这样了,你大概也就觉得没什么好怕的了。

Come On Eileen


(Come On Eileen)
(Come On Eileen)

Poor old Johnny Ray
Sounded sad upon the radio
But he moved a million hearts in mono
Our mothers cried
Sang along
Who'd blame them
You've grown, so grown
Now I must say more than ever
(Come On Eileen)
Too-ra-loo-ra, too-ra-loo-rye, aye
And we can sing just like our fathers

Come on Eileen
Oh, I swear what he means (what he means)
At this moment you mean everything
You in that dress
My thoughts I confess
Verge on dirty
Oh, come on Eileen

(Come On Eileen)

These people round here
Wear beaten-down eyes sunk in smoke-dried faces
They're so resigned to what their fate is
But not us (no, never)
No, not us (no, never)
We are far too young and clever (remember)
Too-ra-loo-ra, too-ra-loo-rye, aye
And you'll hum this tune forever

Come on Eileen
Oh, I swear what he means
Aah, come on let's
Take off everything
That pretty red dress
Eileen (tell him yes)
Aah, come on let's
Aah, come on Eileen

That pretty red dress
Eileen (tell him yes)
Aah, come on let's
Aah, come on Eileen

Come on Eileen, too-loo-rye-aye
Come on Eileen, too-loo-rye-aye
Now you're full grown
Now you have shown
Oh, Eileen

Say, come on Eileen
These things they are real and I know
How you feel
Now I must say more than ever
Things round here have changed
I say, too-ra-loo-ra, too-ra-loo-rye-aye

Come on Eileen
Oh, I swear (what he means)
At this moment, you mean everything
You in that dress, my thoughts I confess
Verge on dirty
Aah, come on Eileen

Aah, come on Eileen
Oh, I swear (what he means)
At this moment, you mean everything
You in that dress, my thoughts I confess
Well, they're dirty
Come on Eileen

Come on Eileen...

15 October 2014

夏末初秋的短暂记录





最初,夏末初秋的我,十多年以后,夏末初秋的我,再三五年后,夏末初秋依旧的我。

夜深总是更轻易地令我变得冲动,做事再也不多考虑。那年是这样,那天又复同样的脾气。这样幼稚地活着,这样固执地活着,究竟是难得,还是愚蠢的?

我干了相当愚蠢的一件事,但我不想将痕迹磨灭掉,所以我用新的一种心情去覆盖它,但不会否认它的存在。

很喜欢狮子王。从小一直喜欢到现在。以前不会因为喜欢就不停重复地播放,所以我连自己如此喜欢的电影里令人印象最深刻的歌曲都记不太清了。Can you feel the love tonight 固然好听,没得说的,但重看了第二部的狮子王我才发觉,原来我一直最喜欢的狮子王 soundtrack 并不是 Can you feel the love tonight, 而是 Simba 与女儿 Kiara 合唱的 We are one。那才是我最熟悉的狮子王歌曲。

很怀念童年吧。我的童年就是沉浸在卡通和电视节目里的。很抱 歉,我五岁才上幼儿园,那时候,我们还称幼儿园为幼稚园,也因此,或许我们到现在都还比较幼稚吧。我五岁才上幼儿园,对我来说,是一件很高兴的事,我真感 谢妈妈做对了选择,没有早早地把我送入幼儿园里,提早结束我的童年。我就是一直在看卡通、玩玩具、然后晚上和家人一起看港剧的童年里慢慢成长的。

然没有在三、四岁的时候就上学,但妈妈还是开始自己教我写字、算术,用相思豆来叫我简单的加、减法。我没有瞎掰,不是因为相思豆听起来比较浪漫所以乱入 的,我妈果然是用相思豆来教我加、减法的。爸爸的办公室后面有棵相思树,会落下红红的,像漆上去一样颜色的小红豆子。装了满满一罐, 我想是爸爸捡给妈妈的,不知何故被用来教我算术。结果我贪玩,很喜欢那些红红,很特别却又只有在学算术的时候才能见到的豆子,趁妈妈不在的时候,翻箱倒柜 地找那个罐子,也不知道如何被我找着的,后来还被我弄不见了好多颗。

我一直没有想起这些相思豆,直到几年级的时候读到了那一首相思

红豆生南国
春来发几枝
愿君多采撷
此物最相思

后,这首诗不断出现在我小学同学的纪念册里,因为我没来由的莫名喜欢上了这首诗,于是在快毕业的季节里,我每写一次同学的纪念册,这首诗就出现一次,几乎 无例外。这首诗后来还是让我想起了上幼儿园之前妈妈教我算术时候的那些红豆子,我想再去找出来。但无奈,这些豆子似乎在我们搬家之后便不曾出现过了,我也 再没有见到过。

我的童年,除了这些豆子之外,还有练习写英语字母的练习本。我的记忆很深刻,那些练习本,我还记得, 颜色很单调,不是单一的红,就是单一的青,一点都不吸引小孩子的目光。最可怕的是,整本练习本除了 A Z 二十六个字母都练几次之外,还要倒转过来,从 Z 开始写,倒退回 A,然后再加上一些随时随地考你什么字母后面是什么字母、什么字母前面是什么字母的奇怪练习题,直到 A Z 你熟悉到不能再熟悉为止。还好我还有卡通可看,不然应该会闷死。

我最喜欢西游记了。小时候那是我最喜欢的连续剧,由张伟健饰演的悟空,传神啊。小时候太多信以为真的事,不能够接受那都不是真实的,只不过是个虚构的人物。我真希望长大这件事也能像面对这些虚构的人物一样,到了某个不再执着的年龄,你会自然的接受它,自然地不再留恋一些只存在于过去的美好。

不担心,总会有那么一个阶段的。


11 October 2014

青春的播放列表 - 第二首歌

 My playlist at age 20 - Song 2

All Out of Love -- Air Supply    

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yr3dJxeT4oA

      or 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBMYow46LxQ
 


 一 首非常经典的歌曲,曾经在电视的广告里响起。广告里推销的正是一个集合着各个经典歌曲的专辑,轻轻地带过一句:“  I'm all out of love...”  那时候,这么简略的一句副歌旋律实在挑不起我的注意,甚至因为经常被这广告打扰而有点厌烦。但人家说,我们的 five  senses 真的很奇妙。很多年过去之后,我以为,这首我根本不曾完整听过的歌曲, 并不会在脑里停留。想不到的是,当我沉浸在  《The Perks of Being a Wallflower》Charlie 对 Sam  的眷恋而开始听一些不再沉闷的歌曲,All Out of Love 的旋律传来, 副歌还没进来,主歌已经很吸引我了,而当副歌终于进入之后,我却绞尽了脑汁,想着自己在什么地方听过呢。原来一首只在广告里闪过的歌,脑里的某个扳机一旦 被启动,记忆竟会那么深刻。于是,我写下:Didn't think it was you...


"All Out Of Love"


I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart

I wish I could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

[Chorus:]
I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from these long, lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too?
does the feeling seem oh, so right?

And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on?
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

[Chorus]

Ooh, what are you thinking of
What are you thinking of
What are you thinking of
what are you thinking of

[Chorus]

4 October 2014

Hey. Yes, I'm talking to you.


I'm trying to figure out how it is possible that all these are not coincidences but we are virtually checking each other out.

Okay, I admit I read your blog posts, and I might not be welcomed, but this virtual world is an open site for all, right? Unless you limit your blogposts to only certain people. Well, so, at least, I am checking you out. And as soon as I found out that you update your blog frequently, much more frequent than I do, I tried to catch up with you.

That might not look appealing to you, 'cause you simply don't like me. To be frank, I'm ok with that. I just think in case it might be another way round, that I might stand a chance.

This post is the weirdest one I've ever written. Not many people are aware of the existence of this blog, and even if they do, they don't really know who's the person behind it. In the first place, what does "BH" even stand for? Blue skies for hawks? What a funny name one would come up with! 

Yes, and so if you do know the person behind this, you would somewhat know this post is meant for you. And for that, I am going to say to you, hey, I like you, in a friendly way. Even though as I recall back to those times we barely knew each other, and yes, we still know very little of each other, you were not quite a friendly person. But I want to make known to you that even if you are tough, and you are not fun to mess around with, that's ok. That doesn't change the fact that I like you, based on what I learn from reading your posts. 'Cause you don't cry about having lost your relationships, you don't backstab, at least I don't have a clue even if you did.

And many other reasons, tough being one of them, haha.

I realized the other day: despite the fact that we are physically in the same time zone, the setting of our posts are not virtually in the same time zone. Why would I even care about such insignificant details you were asking? 'Cause the timing is often a good tip-off to check things out. So even if you don't care or don't know what I'm talking about here, I just want to let this out, I don't know why.

I saw a line, from the dictionary I installed on my phone, today:

One of the reasons I was put on this earth was for our paths to cross. (from Homeland).

Maybe yes, and maybe no, cause I thought so, too, when I was younger. I had my eyes set on someone else, too captivated until I could not care less of anyone else. But it turned out in vain. You were around, too. I was too young to appreciate people and things different from what I idealize. Going to college and entering university changed my perception towards a lot of things, love, particularly. The more I get in touch with my brethren, and the more I understand about them, the more I wanted to be alone.

I enjoy reading your posts, in spite of the fact that by mentioning 'you' here all the while, you may still not know who you are, and you might not even see this post, it's what I really wanted to tell you. I like you posts, I like your taste, I like you.


3 October 2014

青春的播放列表 - 第一首歌

My Playlist at Age 20 - The 1st song

矜持 -- 李健版本   

Click to listen to 矜持 by 李健

有一阵子,芙蓉  Aeon  购物广场二楼的大众书局经常播放李健翻唱的专辑。当然,那时候我并不知道李健是谁。只是听声音的话,我还一直以为那是齐秦,只不过声音比较年轻,却一直没有去确认那把声音的主人是谁。那时候觉得这人唱歌令听的人听得很舒服,声音轻柔,却又带点磁性的沙哑,这样的声音总是最令我着迷。

后来,我在 youtube 观看了一部男同志微电影,里头传来一把熟悉的声音,唱着王菲的 《矜持》,依稀就是我在大众书局里经常听到的那把声音。看完电影,我迫不及待搜寻这首歌的翻唱者。原来,他叫李健。此后,每当在大众书局里闲逛,我总是期待那张被播放的翻唱专辑能够在我在书丛间游走的时候, 偶然的送来那把清晰、温婉的声音,清唱着:“我从来不曾抗拒你的魅力……

矜持

词:许常德 曲:郭蘅祈
原唱:王菲

我从来不曾抗拒你的魅力
虽然你从来不曾对我着迷
我总是微笑的看着你
我的情意总是轻易就洋溢眼底

我曾经想过在寂寞的夜里
你终于在意在我的房间里
你闭上眼睛亲吻了我
不说一句紧紧抱我在你的怀里
我是爱你的
我爱你到底
生平第一次我放下矜持
任凭自己幻想一切
关于我和你

你是爱我的
你爱我到底
生平第一次
我放下矜持
相信自己真的可以
深深去爱你
深深去爱你

我曾经想过在寂寞的夜里
你终于在意在我的房间里
你闭上眼睛亲吻了我
不说一句紧紧抱我
在你的怀里

我是爱你的
我爱你到底
生平第一次我放下矜持
任凭自己幻想
一切关于我和你

你是爱我的
你爱我到底
生平第一次我放下矜持
相信自己真的可以
深深去爱你
深深去爱你

你是爱我的
你爱我到底
生平第一次我放下矜持
相信自己真的可以
深深去爱你
深深去爱你